i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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