ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will be naked everywhere
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
