im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
