We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
