You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
