you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
