I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
