dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
