hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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