I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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