Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
