If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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