i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
