everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
