Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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