he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
