the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
accomplished twins. life is a go
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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