i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
