I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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