Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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