I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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