the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
