You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
