some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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