My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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