idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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