end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
