This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
