I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
