i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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