I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
