remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's rum buckets o'clock
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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