so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We're too hungover to prance.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
