just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
