No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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