Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
