i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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