Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
3pm strippers are depressing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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