Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
