I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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