Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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