those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
