sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
