yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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