Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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