Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
