were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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