Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
