He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize