It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
