Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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