I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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