This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
