Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
