you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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