he puts the penis in happiness.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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