She is in my trunk
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
