this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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