I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
