now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
