You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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