If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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