Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
