dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
