PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
