The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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