Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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