Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
