so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
