just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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