why didn't you poke me back
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize