I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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