At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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