I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
